I've been staying up absurdly late because I am afraid of the part that comes before sleep where I lay in bed and think. I've also been having a lot of weird dreams.
I don't understand practicality, and I never will. I do not understand why people pick college majors based on financial stability or job security, blah blah blah. There is no such permanence as financial stability or job security.
Being home is like being on pause.
Most disturbingly I have realized that drinking induces a high that is followed by a low, this exactly matching my bi-polar tendencies. This makes me glad that I rarely drink. However this has helped me to better understand how my moods work...as I inch closer to the 1-year anniversary of that night last February.
I really want to go to France this summer.
I really want to get a job that involves working with people because losing ArtWorks left a big hole in my heart in that respect. I miss that feeling of making an impact.
I find my work with the Creative Writing Guild to be extremely fulfilling. I like being part of the writing community.
I've become increasingly turned off by the art community, beginning with my last few years of ArtWorks where I was introduced to this whole idea of putting on this big show to bring in a profit, learning to sell ones self and creating a product rather than art. I know there is a way around that, I also feel like there is less of that as a writer. I can't have a gimmick. If this is my downfall as an artist than I suppose I will never be successful and I'm completely okay with that.
la la la la la
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